Wednesday 25 May 2011

Life for a toss!

When they say love is a pain i never understood. When people said girls are beautiful and attractive i stood back saying they are good for nothing. Thats Mr.X (myself) for your information. A jolly go getter always with a huge crowd of friends around and willing to take that extra effort to make that friends chain bigger.
What happened after i entered college?

1161 was my 12th total and i got into one of the prestigious colleges in india. studies were not my priority there i barely maintained average 70 percentage odd figures but still with lots of smile and joy. after that what happened? i saw a fairy? an angel? a beauty queen? perhaps no no no no to all this.. she was a below average looking girl, not attractive, not smart, not too brainy and all. but somehow from the day 1 she entered from her old college (as a transfer student) i was eyeing her and i was sure she was also seeing me. things went well we started talking, chatting, meeting in cafe, night calls everything.one fine day she said i have something to tell you ill tell you later i though it was about studies but when she kept telling this day in and day out i understood it was a proposal or something around it. one fine day she did propose and i accepted it. i feel even now that it was the biggest blunder i made in my life. i saw her as a traditional south indian girl with lots of values and thus onyl accepted her as she didnt have looks or any other big plus on her side. to describe me i am not a real hrithik roshan but then i did have 2 proposals from my collegemates in the first year which i rejected cuz i didnt have such intentions at all at that time and they were more my friends than my partners.

things went well till one day when her grandma passed away at another city. so she packed and that was the first time i was to live without seeing her for 2 days and she went ahead and from there she kept messaging me. after the final rights were performed, instead of coming back here she moved to bangalore. chennai is 500 km from madurai but bangalore is farer from madurai but still she boarded a flight and lef to bangalore. she went there and then called me next day and said i am going to stay here with my cousin sriram, whom i thought was a decent guy. again telling about the relation that guy and she shared it was like they used to call each other daily, mess, mail all those things which she does with me. but later i did dig that he was a real womaniser who had many girlfriends parallely and about 3 of them were physical with him. anyways she told me she is going to stay (didnt ask, just informed me) and stayed with him. I had absolutely no doubts or skeptism and i was trusting her fully. she used to call me daily and tell me that he is doing this that, she used to scold him he used to scold her with me on the phone and he used to say she is sitting on the kitchen table top happily eatnig dosas which he makes. i was bearing all this and one fine day she sent a message saying she has gone to forum with him and when i asked how she went she said she came by her bike with him. Mind you guys that even i had not taken her in bike till then. She went there again called me and said he is very naughty he keeps chatting with her and his friend always chatterpox and things like that which made me uncomfrtable but then i didnt show it out since i thought she would get hurt. One fine day after 1 week of stay and enjoyment she came back and showed me a photo which she took with him. i literally cried inside and went back home from college even without informing her. even at this time i didnt tell her i didnt like it since it would hurt her. then she herself called and asked me if it hurt (which means she knew that i was hurt) and then apologized and promised me that she would tear that photo (but that photo is retained by her till now). then again i came to know that he had dropped her in the station with his bike instead of taking an auto.

All this got over and again things became normal but then one day the campus recruitments started and this time again when the first company came in she said that if both get placed we will go else we will look for other companies. she also promised that if at all they would call her outside chennai she wouldnt join. we both went in and when we walked out she had an offer and i didnt. She said she is excited and would join. I was frustrated but then i made sure i didnt show her that one. she said she is going to join the company but then when i asked her about the promise she said she cant do that. But at last she made another seconding promise that she wont go for sure if the job location would be outside chennai which made me happy. Days passed and i got recruited in a bigger better company for a better pay but this time she said i shouldnt join the company and things like that. But at last i managed to explain the situation and that i am a guy and can live alone outside she said ok. Then when it was the Dday of me joining the job she promised again that she would join her company only if it was in Chennai. When she finally got her call for hyderabad she never even looked back she signed it and went for it without even thinking of the promise made. First lie was the above mentioned which shook me and shattered me to pieces.

But by this time we were already physical in our relation and we had explored our bodies by this time.
When i was about to break up after she joined her job in hyderabad she begged and pleaded and promised me that it was the last lie she uttered and wouldnt do so then after. Seconding this she also came to the city where i was working and persuaded me to sleep with her for making me forget the anger i had. After this again things went on well and one fine day i decided to take a move in job and joined a company in Chennai. When i did this i slowly started udnerstanding that she has been doing a lot of things and she had been hiding that from me by lies making me think that she is an orthodox and reserved girl. She objected me in going to gyms due to the fact that girls would be there but she started going to one without my knowledge and when i asked her she said a strong no. One day when she asked me to access her mail for a document i did that and found out that she had been working out for a long time. When i asked why she lied she said its her wish and i cant ask her. Again when we went for the pre engagement ceremony (6 months before engagement) for her sister she wore a gagra for which had shown absolute disinterest. It was extremely revealing and she wanted to show her assets to people. Again for asking why she wore something which she promised wont wear she said she wil change and i got no rites to decide her clothings.

On top of all these she had lied for dancing with guys again and again. Firs time i saw her dancing with a guy that too after seeing girls and guys in the same back stage rooms i was frustrated and told her not to go to performances involving guys. she threw these words into air and did the same act of dancing with guys again and again which blew me off. again this lying went on and on and she started lying to me in each and everything be it big or small. Right from the first lie i had been telling her dont lie dont lie dont lie but then she threw these words into bins and continued. I had also wwarned her that life would take a big turn if she continued this but words went to deaf ears and she was pretty much confident that a caught lie would result in 1-2 days of scoldings followed by normal life again.

after sometime i decdided to break up from her and expressed my intent to do so. first she said no no no but then later she came back and said fine break up but be my friend for soemtime. Friend means a person who will talk to you having no personal contacts with you. She begged me for this so i said ok. Things went on smooth and i was a free bird again and after sometime i saw an angel in my office (both in looks and her behaviour). This time i tried moving myself away from her but couldnt succeed and one fine day i started speakign with her which ended up in me proposing to that angel in 2 months. Just immediately she accepted and i was flying in the air and we started getting closer and we were happy. My ex in the mean time asked my closest friends and my colleague to spy on me and found out that i was with this angel and cunningly managed to get the address of that girl and went to her house with my friends (who were known and close to her) and my mother who believed she was in a pitiable state (who was braindwashed to act against me and who is acting against me till date). my angels mom called her and asked her to come back home immediatel and this time i also went with her and there we found the whole gang sitting and threatening her parents. i shouted at them and said i am going to marry my angel only and after lots of discussions her mom said she will change her and made my mom and friends and my ex move out. next day my angels mom called me home and understood that my mom didnt even give me food and so gave me food to eat and spoke nice words sayign she will wait for me. her dad who thought of me as a rogue from the previous days acts then understood that i am not bad after all.

after this my ex mailed me and my angel saying she will go out of our lives , but again managed to torture me at my house my office again and again till one day when she sstopped contacting me. we were happy that  she was gone but exactly after one day she came back and acted as if she was in love with me and she would never lie in her life and said she lied only because she thought i would never go out of her. i said no again and till date she has been torturing me with calls, messages, suicide threats and all and i am dying every day in bits. I sent out my angel though not with her full consent so that she could atleast make her life better and live happily (if not now, atleast on a longer run). Now all i search in the internet is how to die without pain, how to become a saint, how to wash off pains, why is the world harsh on me etc., i got absolutely no one by my side and i feel like dying for the mere fact that i made a wrong choice in loving a beast! Guys be aware this is no story this is my life so dont commit yourself and even if you do dont get physical with a girl unless you are damn sure that she is good else that itself may become an anchor for her to torture you. All the best. Pray for my death very soon!